"~ I'm gonna burn this whole world down! ~"

the most amazing thing's been happening to me for the past 11 months, 27 days and 2 hours of my life...i've had Gwenn in my corner and further more in my heart...i've had the best of times with her and we've been through the toughest together, something in which i hope will continue...i hope to never lose the girl i have by my side right now...i always feel like i hurt her, like i don't care...i always feel useless, hopeless, careless, stupid and worst of all to me, unloving...is this normal? are we meant to be? am i doing what i should be doing? i want to give her the world, but it's an impossibility from where i stand...sometimes i wish i could burn it down, just so there's no world to give her...i'm sick and tired of hurting her...and how could something 3 years past hurt me so much? how can 1 boy i never heard about from her fill me with so much rage? why did she neglect to mention it? is she still doing it? i'd say how i got the information and the e-mails to prove this but i want to protect that person, it seems as though they did me a favor...why didn't she tell me? why did my heart fill with pain and my fists clench? instead of tears dripping down my cheeks, my whole insides burned with a hatred and turned cold and gray...why? why the hell did this hurt so much? why the fuck can i cry now but i couldn't then!?!?! once again, like everyother week, i want to break-up with Gwenn and call it quits...sometimes it seems like she tries to avoid me, or maybe she is cheating on me! no big suprise there!!! but no, she just lies about it and never tells me...i hear the same stuff everytime..."i love you adam, you mean more than anything and i never wanna lose you...why don't you believe me?" - well, here's your reason, you lied and said " i never went out with anyone, i only kissed 1 guy at a party, but i never had an actual boyfriend..." - well Gwenn, why did you lie? why couldn't you tell me? are you cheating on me? i can find out just as easily as found out about this...if you lie, i'll be gone, not just from you, but from everyone...my world will end, as it seems to be doing now...sorry Gwenn, but that really hurt...leave my heart and i'll give you yours back, it means nothing to me if it's not truly mine...and to think the words "i love you" meant something to me up until now...until i found she has already said it...
- I never was a part of you. -


"~ The Day The Whole World Went Away... ~"